It wasn’t meant for me, and yet in many ways it was. Thanks to my lack of know how on how to work out A,B, C seating in aeroplanes, I ended up at the window seat for a short period (thinking its 17C, later learning it was 17A). Feeling nervous having been separated from my partner in crime and having to journey the flight alone my gaze turns to the safety guide. Better safe than sorry, better read it just in case. But something was in the way, standing out like a sore thumb a two page note yearning to be read. Carefully placed in the seat pocket in front of the safety guide. Petit writing on pretty pink stationary I can only assume it was written by a female.
At first I question whether it’s wrong to read you but that quickly gets overtaken by feeling that someone must have left it there to be read. Maybe it wasn’t anything at all, maybe it was just a shopping list or a to-do list for the next destination. Then things start to get a little dark, maybe its a note for the current flight….and at that point I sneakily snatched it out of the pocket. “Excuse me” my attention is diverted to the slightly annoyed passenger pointing out that her ticket has 17A on it. I apologise and move to the “cheap” isle seat, yes that was my place and you miss 17A were in your place, the seat you had paid extra for.
I’m restraining myself from reading it in case of any nosy onlookers, cattle class is too close for comfort at the best of times. Also not knowing the contents of the letter seemed a little risky for an in-depth read right now. I tell myself to wait until I get home and I do, distracting myself with my latest Spotify list for the rest of the trip. When I get home I find a moment to myself to read it with full attention. At first it seems like a few quotes from poems and their authors. But as I read this particular part it feels as if someone has dissected my deepest truth and put it into words, it reads:
“I’m a paradox,
I want to be happy but I think of things that make me sad,
I’m lazy, yet I’m ambitious.
I don’t like myself, but I also love who I am.
I say I don’t care, but I really do.
I crave attention, but reject it when it comes my way.
I’m a conflicted contradiction.
If I can’t figure myself out, there’s no way anyone else has” ~ Someone yet to be found.
It reinforces me that there are others out there, and in a sense we are all alike and going through a similar journey, but deal with it in different ways. It goes on about heart break and betrayal and I am not sure what to do with this information. I have to take it in with breaks in between because it gets too heavy at points, reminding me of the past. But now is not the time to look back, you have done so well to keep moving forward. There is nothing I can do except read, process and get back to routine life. But I am glad to have read it, I will appreciate as a gift, a perfect end to my journey back home.