Attracted to the emotionally wounded or damaged she wants to be the one who saves them. He told me I was the white knight who wanted to be the saviour. I was first alerted to this term by my counsellor. I instantly identified with it and agreed. It all made sense, thats what I do, what I’ve always done and why I made the choices I did.
White Knight Syndrome or WKS: White knights are men and women who enter into romantic relationships with damaged and vulnerable partners, hoping that love will transform their partner’s behaviour or life. Though most white knights feel that they are selfless and sacrificing, their rescuing behaviours is often misguided. Problems arise when white knights care for their partners at the expense of their own needs, encounter destructive behaviours, or try to control their partners.
There’s something empowering about being the one to change/improve a persons well being, save them from what hurts them the most. For me I guess it all stems from the basic quest to be needed. Knowing what I am has helped me catch my behaviour and reassess the situation and actions I need to take. As I’m getting older I care less about what others think of me and am learning to love myself regardless of others opinions. My relationships with people in general has improved knowing that I can say what I feel and the people who are meant to be in my life will accept me for who I really am.
I wonder if WKS is innate or learned behaviour. What ever it may be it’s an opportunity to realise people don’t always need to be saved. It’s something they have to realise and solve themselves. Easier said than done, it’s my natural response when asked for help to drop everything and put others first. A work in progress.
“When your whole life is about saving others, who will save you?” ~ Last Sacrifice