Those haunting unspoken words….
How does one break the barriers of suppressed words? Many often underestimate the power of words and understandably its a combination of being able to think quick on your feet while sustaining the emotional impulses behind what you are really trying to say. I envy those who are able to talk their way through situations, I often struggle to get my message across. It all makes sense in my head, but the sentences I form when I speak sound rearranged, messed up, flipped.
In my social situations with friends and family I make a conscious effort to really listen to what is being said, but I am too quick to reply with a non thought out response. It’s the pressure that gets to me and crowds my thought processes. Later when I walk through the conversation in my head (as you do) I manage to conjure up a more meaningful response, but by then its often to late. I figure this “conjuring” up of meaningful thought is because I am calm and don’t have a time limit to respond. It’s almost like when you are in an argument with someone and you’re not really thinking logically about the message you want to get across, its purely reactive and fuelled by emotions at that stage.
There are so many things I want to say to you, but I hold back and listen to what you need to say. I”m sure I will find the “right time” one day. The unspoken words spin around in my head all day until I find a means to release them. On the other hand when we hit a silent spot in our conversation and are sitting there in silence, its peaceful and I am content just to be sitting here with you appreciating our surroundings and company. I could do that for a good few hours, but i understand its not for everyone and can be awkward. So I guess for now, its best to keep my mouth wide shut.