Perhaps I’m over thinking it…
As dramatic as it sounds, coming up from the depths of despair provides a clear threshold between good and bad. But I feel like I am neither at the moment, almost as if I am living in limbo, among the in-between. I can only describe it as numb or emotionless which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Maybe this is where the regulation of dopamine in my mind begins, straight to the road of what they call normality.
Feeling paused while the world is rushing around me, it’s given me time to step back and assess the situation removing emotions from the equation. Although I move forward and am keeping up with the pace there are glimpses of silence and space. Imagine a world where there was a sudden pause where you can almost feel the atoms pass around you making their own quiet connections. You have no purpose but to stay still until the end.
The feeling is unsettling almost like the eye of the storm where you can sense something BIG is about to happen. Surely this feeling of normality can’t be long term? Something is bound to go really wrong or really right? I guess I will just wait it out and prepare myself for whatever it may be.
In the meantime it’s best to listen to Phil Collins.
(Only recently re-discovered how awesome his songs are)