I am the peacemaker…

All I have ever wanted is for everyone to live in peace and harmony. Naive notions of union and humans living for a common purpose. As my eyes open to the real world I see so much hatred and manipulations. It scares me and makes me wonder what is the point and sometimes it all becomes a little too hard. It is the definition of overwhelming as the thoughts become louder and harder to shut out.

Wouldn’t it be nice to walk into a world of acceptance, full of open arms and good intentions. No judgement and free spirits leading the way to guide you into oblivion. Have you ever been caught in the middle? Where you can see all sides of the argument and each have their own valid points of view. I can see it from point A, B and C and none of you are wrong. I understand why each of you feel the way you do and I am helplessly stranded in the middle trying to please you all.

Sometimes I feel like screaming to try and drown it all out. I picture myself walking into the middle of a field with not a soul around and taking a deep breath of solidarity and peace and exhaling the hind sight thoughts of manipulated reactions. I am envious of such well thought out motives, how does one find the energy and time to plan out a reaction to an action? I just don’t get it and feel I will never be one of you… a survivor.. a fighter….

I have the most beautiful dreams that are so hard to leave behind…but eventually I am forced to open my eyes.